sometimes...i think...how would my life be different if i had gone for all those leadership posts and being as active in school activities. i regret at times, not putting down my insecurities and going for all those student leadership stuff. i'm not sure why but i think there's a part of me that likes to take risks and go for novelties. sometimes...i just feel like shocking people with my actions and words. haha...what a weird person i am. do i envy those who possess good grades and leadership roles? i think, yes, i do. today while i was waiting for theory lesson to start, i saw a RV senior who's now in Hwa Chong. she was from the same cca as me last time and lives very near my teacher's house. i've seen her going home quite a few times and we are aquaintances. as in i know of her existence, she knows of my existence. but i think i understand her better than she knows me. she was quite a well known person in sec sch, seeing as she's in 2 ccas and in both she's done very well and she took triple science and was in the best cls of her level. i've always been amazed at her ability to manage going for competitions and performances and getting all As. she has a pardon my use of words here but she really does have damn good time management. and she got into hci too. i'm still astonished. anyway, today i saw her and i just got a bit envious. i wonder how her life is like. does she enjoy it? it seems so glorious on the outside. does she enjoy having so much achievements? what is her goal in life? is it to get into one of those top international universities and major in something professional like medicine or law and continue putting down awards in her life story? at times...i regret, because i feel i have wasted my 17 years of school life. like i didn't grab opportunities that are only available in ur school life. like...i've passed 17 years without really knowing whats going on. haha. i think...if i were given another chance, maybe i'd do things differently. i'd choose to be a plant. haha. no no, maybe a vampire. vampire seems so cool. then recently i was reading this novel about a vampire. not buffy the vampire slayer, i nv read buffy. don't know why i couldn't click with her. haha. maybe cuz she's a vampire slayer. and i think vampires can be so cool sometimes. i emphasize on the sometimes. i don't hope to have an encounter with one because of my irrational words. i like kind vampires. which is kind of nonsense, since who doesn't like kind people. haha. ok, i think i'm being a bit irrelevant here. maybe it could be cuz its the time of the month. so i'm being a bit nonsensical and stupid, typing all these stuff that has absolutely no link at all. god, i think i should improve on my english. how come i feel like there are some meanings i wish to convey but i can't get them right across. i mean, across right. oh no, this is terrible. anyway, i should and sleep le. if not i will faint tmr. from lack of sleep. and thinking too much. uh oh, i just remembered there's chem pre spa tomorrow and i haven't looked through yet. never mind, with my intelligence, =P i shall read on the mrt. and hope i don't fall aslp. i must really go and sleep already, if not my pretty face will be full of dark cicles.